LAYING BACK AND THINKING OF ENGLAND
On long winter nights Julie and I would curl up in front of the fire and I would read Mahabharata to her. When I read about Arjuna's mom arranging for her five sons to marry Draupadi, Julie suddenly got very agitated.
What a conniving old bitch!� she exclaimed. Pretended not to know what kind of prize they brought home! Make sure you divide it evenly! My mom was totally the same. Every time I brought a boyfriend home, she would snatch him from under my nose and marry him. At one point she was married to five of my boyfriends at once. In fact, the only boyfriend of mine she didn't marry is you.�
I cleared my throat.
Julie, I think I've got a little confession to make� I said, hiding my eyes. I hated to upset her, but I was brought up a candid lad.
So you're also married to my mother� That's nice. What the f...�
Wait, Julie, wait. Before you start using adult-oriented language, let me explain. It was a quick civic ceremony at the municipal hall, very simple. And I don't even think it was perfectly legal�
Why not�
Well, you see, when the mayor asked me if I was taking your mom as a lawfully wedded wife, I said "I doo".
So, what's wrong with tha�
You see, I said "I doo", not "I do", but "I doo". That means the whole thing was a fake, doesn't it? And you shouldn't judge your Mom too harshly, Julie. She may be your mother, but first and foremost she is a woman�
Tell me, Peter, do you still love her�
Well, I've got a lot of respect for her as a person and a mother of my girlfriend. But when it comes down to it�
Yes�
In the deepest recesses of my heart�
Yes�
I laid back and thought of England.
No�
All right, then. Where were we�
And then Arjuna asked Draupadi what was for breakfast?
What a conniving old bitch!� she exclaimed. Pretended not to know what kind of prize they brought home! Make sure you divide it evenly! My mom was totally the same. Every time I brought a boyfriend home, she would snatch him from under my nose and marry him. At one point she was married to five of my boyfriends at once. In fact, the only boyfriend of mine she didn't marry is you.�
I cleared my throat.
Julie, I think I've got a little confession to make� I said, hiding my eyes. I hated to upset her, but I was brought up a candid lad.
So you're also married to my mother� That's nice. What the f...�
Wait, Julie, wait. Before you start using adult-oriented language, let me explain. It was a quick civic ceremony at the municipal hall, very simple. And I don't even think it was perfectly legal�
Why not�
Well, you see, when the mayor asked me if I was taking your mom as a lawfully wedded wife, I said "I doo".
So, what's wrong with tha�
You see, I said "I doo", not "I do", but "I doo". That means the whole thing was a fake, doesn't it? And you shouldn't judge your Mom too harshly, Julie. She may be your mother, but first and foremost she is a woman�
Tell me, Peter, do you still love her�
Well, I've got a lot of respect for her as a person and a mother of my girlfriend. But when it comes down to it�
Yes�
In the deepest recesses of my heart�
Yes�
I laid back and thought of England.
No�
All right, then. Where were we�
And then Arjuna asked Draupadi what was for breakfast?
posted by Surge Levene at 3:10 PM
2 Comments:
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